To Sum Up . . .

This isn't a football blog, so hopefully this will draw a line under the matter. The initial subject of Keys' and Gray's grief, linesman/woman/person Sian Massey would have been welcome again, as far as Liverpool are concerned, last night. Her excellent call on Saturday for Torres' and Liverpool's first against Wolves was again put into perspective by the linesman's mistake in last night's match in not seeing Torres level with the last Fulham defender when perfectly timing his run. Check out the clips above and make up your own minds. The disallowed goal v Fulham is just over 5 minutes in.

Quelled By The Man

If you're a UK resident, you may well be aware of the Andy Gray/Richard Keys debacle. They are both now ex-Sky Sports Football presenters. Gray had been with the channel since it started broadcasting Premier League Football in 1992, Keys came along later. Anyway, they are both hugely experienced pundits who recently lost their jobs due to having made some sexist comments regarding a female linesman off-air, before the recent Wolves/Liverpool match, the gist of which was that women can't do the job as they have a genetic impairment regarding the offside rule. Of course, once this news got out it didn't take long for other slights to be made against them. Gray was sacked yesterday when footage from last months' Sky Christmas special came to light with him jokingly asking a female colleague to help him tuck a microphone down his trousers. Keys resigned today.

Whatever your opinions on football, sexism and the very juvenile behaviour from two grown men in their fifties, should they have been hung out to try because of it? I'm not sure. I don't subscribe to Sky, the Rupert Murdoch connection, (Murdoch, who owns Sky, is also head of News International against whom Gray is currently bringing an action concerned with having had his phone tapped), is enough to put me off, but I really don't like the suffocating atmosphere of political correctness that is currently enveloping our society. I'm not condoning this behaviour at all, on the contrary, it's misogynistic and had they been berating a racial minority there would have been a much bigger outcry, but after having apologised did they really deserve their fate?

Maybe I'm just a typical Libra, wanting to see all sides and weigh things up far too much, incapable of making a decision one way or the other. Anyway, one thing I know I hate is political correctness, and to make a tenous link, it's more than infiltrated dance music culture which, as far as I'm concerned, doesn't rely as much on narcotics and stimulants as it should. I jest of course. The problem is I think a lack of honesty and imagination. Ricky Villalobos is the only person I've seen making drug references in an interview recently (in Philip Sherburne's Wire piece a while back) but try as I might I can't see much more.

I'm not calling for the return of the days when drugs dominated dance music, when buying Mixmag meant that the central article was one that pitted twenty different pills against each other to see which one was the purest, and I'm well aware that loads of punters still go to clubs battered and loaded in spite of being subjected to rigorous body searches before being charged astronomically for the privilege of being hedonistically anaesthetised. What I am calling for is leadership from the front. It's certainly not going to come from the Swedish House Mafia, Sven Vath or Richie Hawtin or from anyone else who is far too interested in protecting their career. Someone raw who doesn't give a shit, that's who.

We're certainly living in interesting times. Politically the climate hasn't been better for change since the early eighties. However, back then things soon became emasculated and by the beginning of the nineties were starting to lose their way. This lack of edge was epitomised by the emergence of political correctness as a vector around this time. The emergence of New Labour as the governing party of the UK, hot on the heels of Bill Clinton's Democrats didn't seem that threatening but both parties had to move so far to the right in order to get into government that they were not what they seemed. It has always seemed odd to me that often the parties of the right, in spite of their conservatism, have embodied more of a hedonistic spirit than those of the left. Of course this is down to certain individuals and was initially visible during the English Civil War, and then the French Revolution. That isn't to say that those on the left were not as susceptible but they were often constrained by civic duty and responsibility. This changed during my lifetime with they advent of punk which, although not quite the revolution it may have seemed at the time, changed artistry forever and spawned endless, interesting reproductions of itself in all creative facets.

But I digress. The creativity and the spontaneity in house, techno and all it's cousins is still there and will continue to self-replicate, but the forces of advertising and compartmentalisation are strong and will stop at nothing to render it bland. As mentioned before, I don't want to return to the past and sift through the dance music media only to find worthless articles on pill consumption and hypercool "largin' it" sessions. Having said that, I'm bored of seeing shit press shots of boring looking smug twats who do all their shopping at Top Shop or some other equally anodyne outlet and treat their occupation as a lifestyle choice rather than the privileged position it is. I don't really care for the excuse that it's bad for publicity to harbour a hedonistic lifestyle either. As far as I'm concerned, George Michael is currently worth more than every so-called "character" involved in house and techno put together. Crashing his car completely twitted into a local branch of Happy Snaps has raised the bar for everybody and I don't see it being bettered anytime soon.

Oh, and Gray and Keys are a pair of twats. End of . . .

That Hercules & Love Affair Video . . .Again!

Check this from a couple of weeks ago . . .(after the Theo Parrish comments).

And then this. (You'll need to register in order to view).

It seems like I'm not the only one.

January Chart

This should help keep things ticking over. The usual disorderly mix of albums and singles . . .



Vertigo - Aybee/Sun Of Cycle (Further)




Vesuvio Tremors - Mike Parker (Geophone)




Iftodex C0001/Probe 5 - Roswell Return (SD)



Feed Forward - Sandwell District (Sandwell District)




Flying Objects - STL (Something)




Series ll Revisited - Octave One Remixed By Sandwell District & Aril Brikha (430 West)




Post-Traumatic Son The Ben Klock Mixes - O/V/R (Blueprint)




We Are Beachcoma EP - Beachcoma (Beachcoma)



Love Evolution - Jay Haze (Contexterrior)

Why Theo Parrish Is Wrong

Here's an interesting postscript to the Theo Parrish interview I linked to a couple of days ago, courtesy of Digital DJ Tips.

Mark Henning Interview For Ibiza Voice

Here's a link to an interview I recently did with Mark Henning for Ibiza Voice. Here's another to a mix that has recently been posted, although I believe it was recorded earlier in the year - 2010 that is. Check this as well, it's fresh off the laptop for French mag Tsugi.

Why Bother?

We're only into the second week of January 2011 and already another well-respected music figure has chosen to make a knob of himself by sounding off unnecessarily. Well-known vinyl purist and absolutely peerless DJ Theo Parrish just had to reopen that hoary old chestnut, the vinyl vs digital debate. I'm lucky enough to have seen Theo on a couple of occasions, once in support of Moodymann during KDJ's first appearance in London, along with Rick Wilhite, and once at Luke Solomon and Kenny Hawkes' Space at Bar Rumba. As you've probably already realised, each time was well before the dawn of the digital DJing age, CDs barely registered actually. Anyway, Theo was far superior to KDJ, who preferred to mix records badly, (yes, I know mixing has never been that important to him anyway, selection being a much more defining role, but he couldn't even sequence things properly and cued atrociously), and at Space he was brilliant.

In any case, Theo's beef seems to be more about lack of musical knowledge than anything else, but surely this is open to debate too. For example, no matter how bad I think Richie Hawtin's sets have become, I know that he is living it and has done for quite some time now. He may not be as relevant to me as he once was, but he's probably the most innovative DJ on the planet solely because of his willingness to use new technology and to be the first to document it: 'Decks, EFX & 909', 'DE9 l Closer To The Edit' & 'DE9 Transitions' are ample evidence of this and there's almost certainly another on the way.

I agree with almost all of what Theo Parrish says. You've really got to live the music in order to make and perform it. Selection is more important than beatmatching and when running a label, what separates you from corporate output is the fact that being independent means much more quality control and a a willingness to take more risks. I came across this on the RA feed earlier, and was drawn to it only because I thought Theo had said ". . .a vinyl DJ who knows his crate will bum a laptop DJ every time." That's a bit strange I thought, Theo's not gay. Then I listened to the interview, and of course he said "burn"not "bum."The typeface on RA is obviously too subtle for my eyes. He's a very earnest and erudite man is Theo, but he's wrong and he's reactionary too. It's such a fatuous debate I really wonder why we're having it.

Link to Theo interview here.

While we're on a nostalgia trip, I rather like this video for the new Hercules & Love Affair release 'My House.'It's just like an old episode of
The Hitman & Her, which can't be bad. I remember a particular episode viewed in time-honoured fashion at about 4 on a Sunday morning at Lancaster House on Sussex University campus, high on LSD25, myself and the irishman tumbling into the lounge, which was empty except for a young Michael Ryan lookalike in full fatigues, replica gun and crate of lager. It wasn't the drugs, but they did work.

Podcast Explosion

Here's a few I forgot, and they're all podcasts. A lot has been made on certain blogs about the over-availability of podcasts. Well it's all about supply and demand innit? It's stating the absolute bleeding obvious to say that there are loads of shit ones. By the same token there are also loads of good ones. The previous post listed some of those that have appeared recently. Here are a few I forgot.

Responsible for arguably the podcast I listened to most during the latter third of 2010, 2011 finds Lee Foss once again on cracking form. This is a podcast he produced for Newcastle night Jaunt, to coincide with a night he played there in December. It's as good as the Ibiza Voice one that saw the light of day in August, which is saying something. (The inclusion of Dopplereffekt's 'Sterilisation' being a particular high moment). Foss was also responsible for the first of the Hot Natured series of podcasts, a series that is whetting the appetite as I type. You can find that one here.

Here's a link to an interview I did with Lee just over a year ago.

Responsible for, in my humble opinion, the pick of the Promo Mix series so far with his New Beat inspired set, Peter Van Hoesen comes correct once more with this contribution to the excellent, but sadly not that common anymore, (due, no doubt, to the artists in question not wanting to have their mixes released for clandestine or contractual obligations), Bunker NYC series. This is another lengthy session and once more shows PVH in New Beat guise. It's a treat so get on it.

Last, but by no means least, is Tevo Howard and his contribution to the Clubberia series. Howard shows a clean pair of heels to most house pretenders with a wide and varied selection that has more mood swings than an Italian schizophrenic. He was also behind one of my favourite mixes from last year, this effort from the Roof FM series. If you missed it, grabbit now.

New Years Honours

Nearly back into the swing of things, so here are a few links to some mixes I've been enjoying over the past few days. The first two featured as RA's "mix of the day" on their feed. Here's one by Italian neo, trance primitive Dino Sabatini. It is actually one of the Prologue podcast series and is a good introduction to the sound that the label has been peddling for the past year or two. It shows how interesting dub techno has the potential to be if it's given are pair of balls and a little bit of energy. I think Samuel Beckett described the protagonists of one of his books as permanently "wading waist-deep through an ocean of mud." That, for me at least, is an image that I associate with the worse of dub techno.

The second is this, (unavailable to download unless you know the capabilities of this site), from Maya Jane Coles. Don't let the fact that it's a Defective podcast put you off. It's a very nice, deep ride from the lady who recently brought us the 'Hummingbird EP' on Hypercolour, and sundry other joints on the Dogmatik label. Very nice indeed.

I came across this Rinse FM podcast the other day, which is a back-to-back session involving Kyle Hall and Floating Points. It's a storming, spontaneous meeting of minds. Rinse FM, if you didn't already know, really is the underground music success story of the British airwaves in recent times. Concentrating mainly on dubstep, UK funky, garage, etc, its site is a mine of must-have sets. Podcasts are churned out on an industrial level and there are plenty to explore. It's the sound of legit UK pirate radio.

Eric Cloutier has been hovering just above the horizon marked "really good DJ that would be better kept secret because going global might spoil him" for quite some time now. A couple of podcasts for Russia's Mixmag.Info recently, as well as a great contribution to the Promo Mix series, in the form of a homage to Berlin's Globus have kept him nicely in the picture during the last few months. Here's his most recent contribution to keeping the podcast flame alive, for Musik Aus Strom, former episodes including contributions from Forward Straegy Group's Patrick Walker and Smear (who is, in fact, Patrick Walker).

There's Always Time For One More

Apart from anything else, Christmas and the New Year always serves to highlight death. I don't think I'm being particularly morbid. Obviously news is slow so stuff that may have been otherwise shelved gets more of a look-in than normal. Having said that, the tsunami of 2004 broke al records for bad news over the festive season. Anyway, James Brown left us on Christmas day in 2006, and this year, either side of the 25th, we had Teena Marie and Bobby Farrell. Although by far the most artistically credible I can't just reinvent myself as a fan of Teena Marie now she's gone. I knew of her and heard some of her records way back when, I also knew of an association she had with Rick James, and the only way I knew of Rick James was because 'Super Freak' and 'Give It To Me Baby' were played at almost every club I visited, regardless of the crowd, throughout the early/mid eighties. In any case, I confused Teena Marie regularly with Kelly Marie, a Scottish singer who made it big in the eighties, sort of, with a tune 'Feels Like I'm In Love' which I remember mostly because of her dance routine in which she was flanked by two camp black guys who bounced to the beat of trebly synth drums. Takes me back to my primary school days actually, when I was made to absorb the Catechism, (so much so in fact that I can still quote passages from it now), and the answer to the question "What Is God?" . . .the answer of course "God is a living being without a body." Anyway, when I was a young whippersnapper inside the Catholic school system I initially misheard the response as "God is a living bean without a body." Consequently, I used to think that God lived in a tin and breathed tomato sauce.

Bobby Farrell as well. Definitely a hero from my days of Top Of The Pops addiction. I put up some words about Captain Beefheart when he died the other week, and mentioned what an influence he'd been . . .well Boney M, although I deride my girlfriend for having one of their cds in the car, made just as much a mark in their own way, and their centrepiece was Farrell, his gruff, murmur of a voice and his silly, but eminently watchable dance turns. Out of all the artists mentioned here, (except Kelly Marie), although he fronted the least artistically credible group, he gave me just as many musical memories as anyone and they weren't bad by any means so, for that reason, he'll be very sadly missed.

Have a Happy New Year and a great 2011 whoever and wherever you are.

P xxxxx

Rounding Off

It's been a good year, (that's unless you mention football); lots of new music consumed, books read, household chores put off for infinity, a tuberculosis breakout at work, finally getting paid for writing in the service of music . . .not bad at all. Difficult to say who stood out for me over the year as I'm not a great one for lists of any description. Having said that I did, for the first time since having started contributing to them, deign to complete the Resident Advisor end of year poll. I was unable to finish the top tracks section though. Maybe I'm not listening hard enough, or is it really a case of not enough individual tunes standing out . . ? I don't know. Anyway, I would have found it easy to chart whole releases - which is what I do every month in the same studied, but arbitrary, fashion.


In any case, as RA don't publish individual contributor's polls, opting rather for the "put everything in a bag, shake it all about and let it spill out" approach, here are my individual results in the categories of Top Artist Albums, Top Compilations/Mixes and Top Labels, in that order. Oh, and as well as not sending in my "top tracks" I also didn't bother with "top live act" either.

Top Artist Albums 2010:

1
Flying Lotus
Cosomgramma
Warp

2
The Black Dog
Music For Real Airports
Soma

3
Ikonika
Contact, Love, Want, Have
Hyperdub

4
Peter van Hoesen
Entropic City
Time To Express

5
Anthony “Shake” Shakir
Frictionalism 1994-2009
Rush Hour

6
Marcel Dettmann
Dettmann
Ostgut Ton

7
Ark
Arkpokalypse Now
Perlon

8
Caribou
Swim
City Slang

9
Robert Hood
Omega
M Plant

10
Mr G
Still Here (Get On Down)
Rekids

11
Shed
The Traveller
Ostgut Ton

12
John Roberts
Glass Eights
Dial

13
Scuba
Triangulation
Hot Flush

14
dOP
Greatest Hits
Circus Company

15
Wareika
Harmonie Park
Perlon

16
Commix
Re Call To Mind
Metalheadz

17
Matthew Dear
Black City
Ghostly International

18
Efdemin
Chicago
Dial

19
Massive Attack
Heligoland
Virgin

20
Darkstar
North
Hyperdub

Top Compilations/Mixes 2010:

1
V/A
Funf
Ostgut Ton


2
Optimo
Fabric 52
Fabric


3
Kode 9
DJ Kicks
K7


4
Seth Troxler
Boogybytes Vol 5
BPitch


5
Martyn
Fabric 50
Fabric


6
Shackleton
Fabric 55
Fabric


7
Ben Klock
Berghain 04
Ostgut Ton


8
V/A
Superlongevity 5
Perlon


9
Todd Terje/Various
Remaster Of The Universe
Permanent Vacation


10
Scientist
Scientist Launches Dubstep . . .
Tectonic

Top Labels 2010:

1
Ostgut Ton



2
Hyperdub



3
Hot Creations



4
Underground Quality



5
Numbers



6
Highgrade



7
Desolat



8
Crosstown Rebels



9
Upon You



10
Hypercolour

In order to be more critical and, of course, more precise next year I'll have to start taking notes from next month so I plan to be a lot more investigative from 1/1/11. Meanwhile, I hope you all had a happy Christmas, or a good equivalent if you don't celebrate it, and all the best for 2011.

Q & A With Billy Dalessandro & Brian Ffar

Here's a link to an interview I did with Siteholder Records Billy Dalessandro and Brian Ffar for Ibiza Voice.

Here's a link to the mix page of Brian's website, (the most recent is from June of this year), and here's one of Billy's from a few posts back. Scroll down a bit to get it.

December Chart

Some winter warmers To Keep Your toes tapping over Christmas:



Where The Freaks Have No Name - Benoit & Sergio (Visionquest)



The L Word feat Jada - Deniz Kurtel (Crosstown Rebels)



Big Ass Biscuit/Clive's Alright EP - Pteradactil Disco (Hot Creations)



Space Is Only Noise LP - Nicolas Jaar (Circus Company)



Harry Klein Records 03 - Marco & Dario Zenker (Harry Klein)



Wolkenreise - Deepak Sharma & Dieter Krause (Hidden Recordings)



What Is Who? EP - Manik (Poker Flat Digital)



Superlongevity 5 - VA (Perlon)



Cottam 4 - Cottam (Cottam)



Midas - Roof Light (Millions Of Moments)

Don Van Vliet: 15/1/41-17/12/10

Heard about Don Van Vliet, aka Captain Beefheart, passing away yesterday. Sixty-nine years old and taken by that most stealthy of diseases, multiple sclerosis. I didn't rush up and play one of his records, rather preferred to give in to nostalgia and all that remembering his music evokes. More than anything else it evokes happiness and youth. The song titles, 'Big-Eyed Beans From Venus,' 'When I See Mommy I Feel Like A Mummy,' 'Lick My Decals, Baby,' etc. I don't have to hear these tracks to be transported to my, or Vinny's - one of my oldest friends - bedroom in the early eighties. These were temporal autonomous zones of hedonism while the music continually played and our parents went about their business downstairs, separated from the party by the floor's breadth of a small, northern English house. I doubt that anyone's music evokes such affection and wistfulness quite as much as Beefheart's, and what I always find amazing, and what I'm always very thankful for, is the way I came across him. Once a punk always a punk I suppose, because had it not been for my sudden exposure to the Sex Pistols, Buzzcocks, The Clash, etc; a logical progression in many ways from being blown away by the likes of Bowie, Sparks, Roxy Music and Mott The Hoople on Top Of The Pops in the early seventies, I wouldn't be the person I am now. Coming across Beefheart, first by way of 'Shiny Beast, Bat Chain Puller,' (I think), and then fervently plundering his back catalogue was all very natural, and would continue to be so across all genres. I'll dance the Candle Mambo tonight. RIP

Thirty Five To Forty People To See Matthew Dear On A Friday Night In Liverpool

It's happened to me before, as I'm sure it's happened to most of you. I remember it particularly when I went to Brixton's George lV in 1998. Terry Francis was playing in his South London heartland, (even though he's from Leatherhead). Wiggle was at it's peak, selling out parties, as it always has and continues to do. It was a Saturday night, £5 to get in, the George was normally packed to the rafters for "Come Shake The Whole" (it's monthly house hoedown), surely it would be the same, if not more so, for Terry. Well, apart from me and my mates, maybe five or six others made it in. There were no more than fifteen of us all night. We had a great time all the same but I found it quite inexplicable why the night had been so poorly attended.

That feeling of incredulity returned last weekend when a friend of mine, let's call him Colin, told me that only around thirty five to forty punters were in attendance to check out Matthew Dear on the Liverpool date of his tour, playing at the O2 Academy. I was very surprised, Liverpool being a city with a reasonably well-developed club scene and one where live music has traditionally always found a very willing and responsive audience. All this and only £8 to get in on a Friday night, what could possibly go wrong? Well, under attendance on a grand scale. Check this link to see how many people - and they're just RA members - went to see him in Glasgow. The ultimate kick in the nuts was the presence of a poster advertising a Shakin' Stevens gig at £22.50 a shot.

In any case, Colin enjoyed the evening very much, chatted to a very unassuming Matthew Dear and came away happy, which is how it should be. He'd just been to great gig, the star attraction of which was one of the worlds foremost electronic artists who, as a side order, is also an exceptional DJ and has just released one of the years best albums of any genre. What could possibly have gone wrong?

Playing With Acid EP - Ahmet Sisman (Slash)

Yet another. Here's my review of Ahmet Sisman's 'Playing With Acid' (Slash) for Ibiza Voice.

More Reviews

Read my reviews for Ibiza Voice of Double Oh Oh here, and Shlomi Aber here.

Heliscope EP - Guy J (Bedrock)

Read my review of Guy J's 'Heliscope EP' for Ibiza Voice here.

Set Me Up

It's been a while since I've posted any mix links, (having said that, I did sneak in the last to Bodytonic podcasts in the previous post). In any case, here are a few which are so fresh off the press that I haven't had the chance to listen to them yet.

The latest in the Promo Mix series (see link at the side of this page) has recently gone up, and it's a tribute/hommage to Red Zone from New York mixed by Function. There's an hour-long mix and, interestingly, the club biopic is in the form of an mp3. I haven't listened to it yet so I don't know if it's an interview with Function, someone else or just a monologue. It could even be an outtake of the first RA Exchange podcast, which featured Function. Whatever; it's sure to be interesting and just serves to whet the appetite further in anticipation of future episodes in this series.

I've just come across a Robert James podcast. James is a Leeds-based DJ who sparang into the collective conciousness this year with his 'Sleep Moods' release for Jamie Jones' and Lee Foss's Hot Creations, (one of my labels of the year). Here's a link.

Full-time lawyer and DJ Norman Nodge recently contributed a solid techno mix to the impeccable FACT Magazine series. This is life-affirming stuff. Grab it here, but be quick, its time on Earth is short.

Siteholder Records supremo Billy Dalessandro has mixed up a podcast or the Thoughtless Series. I'm currently waiting on an interview with Billy and partner in crime Brian Ffar. I have it on good intuitive authority that he's an extremely twisted individual. There's only one way to find out I suppose. Grab some depravity here.

Rolando for Field Recordings can be found here. I wonder if he still dislikes the US football team as much as he told me on a Barcelona beach during the 2006 World Cup. Mmmm . . .

Soul Clap and their Thanksgiving selection can be found here. Not a turkey to be found.

Andy Wevvers recently appeared on 6 Music and this was his heartfelt selection of resolute non 4/4 grooves.

I could go on for much longer, but this stuff's all freely available, all you have to do is dig a little. In any case, bringing up the rear for today is everybody's favourite Romanian, Rhadoo, with a set from last week at Halcyon, NYC. Get it here.

Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover . . .Or Rather Do?

Soft Targets?


The last two podcasts in the Bodytonic series have both been wonderful. The 97th by one of my
all-time favourite selectors, I-F, the 98th and most recent, by arguably the best up-and-coming house DJ of the moment, Seth Troxler. Two DJs with very different record bags, so you wouldn't really confuse them, would you? Well, Bodytonic suffered, and may still be suffering, some technical hitches this week and so the Troxler download actually went out as the I-F. The commenters on their board didn't seem to be aware of this issue though (check the comments further down the page). Kind of reminds me of the Elliot Eastwick story form when he was resident at Hard Times in the mid-nineties. Once, when guest DJ Duke failed to show, Eastwick crouched down a little bit lower behind the decks, put a baseball hat on the wrong way around, and started banging out some tunes. No one seemed to notice and the crowd even began a chant of "Duke, Duke." After God knows how long, Eastwick took his hat off and came clean, only to be met by a barrage of boos from the unsuspecting and hoodwinked crowd.

I suppose this can serve to highlight a few things. Notably the faceless disposability of this music, something that still exists no matter how much we may try to dress it up. This isn't necessarily a negative characteristic, but it's still the reality. I like it that way, and always will. One look at any photos of The Swedish House Mafia should reinforce this, especially after reading the little write-up of their forthcoming film, 'Take One' in yesterday's Guardian Guide, which describes dance music as fertile ground for the rock cliches used so effectively and humorously in "This Is Spinal Tap." "It shouldn't matter what the DJ looks like, you're supposed to be dancing," (or something like that), quoth A Guy Called Gerald. He's right of course, but certain spinners are in danger of looking more and more ridiculous. I remember an old Tina Turner video, (I think it was her); can't recall the song, just the keyboard parts when the camera focussed on some musclebound chimp using the power of Greyskull just to prod the keys.

DJing is only a spectacle, when the turntablists or similar virtuosos are concerned. No matter how technically proficient the mixing, the trainspotters were always around the box to check the tunes, not the wrist action. As this business becomes ever more sanitised so the artists look blander and blander. David Holmes, upon hearing DBX's 'Losing Control' remarked that it was impossible to have made such a track without being under the influence, then couldn't believe his ears when he heard that Dan Bell didn't dabble. I'm constantly surprised at how underwhelming and physically small and nerdy a lot of DJs are. Those in question have still played wonderfully well but a feeling of not something being missing has always lingered. Maybe that's why The Swedish House Mafia look the way they do. I've never met them, so can't gauge exactly how tall or small they are from their photos, but they're definitely trying to large it in more ways than one. Humphrey Bogart used to insist on being photographed standing on a wooden box; other famous shortarses, like Tom Cruise and Sylvester Stallone, like Bogart, use their small man syndrome in various ways to ensure they'll be remembered for more than their size, (maybe not too much for their acting though). They say you should never meet your heroes. Maybe not, but at least be aware of their output.